Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
