hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
