I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize