you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
