just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
