Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there's paper in my vomit.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sext me about skeletons
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
