I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
