and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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