Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize