You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
