look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
