I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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