the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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