We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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