I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
