well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
