please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
