don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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