maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
