This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
