she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
