Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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