I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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