Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
