Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
