Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I could make wine with my vomit
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
