Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
why do cheetos always look like penises
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
