I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
