After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
