I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize