I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
