I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
