That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
