counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
