I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
