Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
