i think my tv is drunk
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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