I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
