her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
