You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
