I can tuck mytits in my pants
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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