I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
