Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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