i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
