I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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