So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
