just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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