Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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