I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
