My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
