Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize