good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
