he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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