Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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