Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
