I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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