He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Congratulations! We have a period
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
