In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
