you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize