I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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