and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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