I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
